Please Don't Cry
by Jeshickah Knight
Summary: A serise of depressing blurbs from Bella's Zombie Stage, mostly. Should be interesting, I think, hope you enjoy! Oh and a few surprises from others!
1. Author's Explaination

**Please Don't Cry**

_Chapter one, the introduction to depression_

* * *

_This is going to be a series of really depressing one shots/song fics; mostly songs I think. It's all going to be confusing so pay attention to the lyrics of the song too. Rozzy, you helped me pick out some of the songs on our trip to 'mummy's cabin but I've never had the time to write them all down. Or the commitment to be so depressed. Well, I got the depression now, so here's what we were thinking on that long car ride, written to the best of my ability. I love you...don't let me forget that, depression sometimes makes me forget. I don't want to._

_Oh and also, some of these may be product of me just feeling like writing, and have nothing to do with depression. You may be able to tell the difference between the ones that are and the ones that aren't. The first one was started in one of my depressing moods and finished while I was stuck in a very demanding itch to write and no idea what _to_ write. _

_I hope you all enjoy this, and I hope you don't cry too much, since most of these will be Bella during or before the 'Zombie Stage". But just incase, before you click on that little arrow button to get to the next chapter, be sure you have a box of Kleenex's with you…or a plushie to cry on or something…I used a pillow while I was writing some of these._

_First up, _Bring me to Life_ by _Evanescence_. Bring on the tears!_


	2. Bring Me To Life

**Bring Me To Life**

_Quick explanation: Late in Bella's Zombie Stage, about the time Jacob comes into the picture and, well…you'll get it._

* * *

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
Leading you down into my core  
Where I've become so numb  
Without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
Until you find it there and lead it back home_

Jacob. He saw past my looks. I was so depressed and such a wreck it's a wonder how he even recognized me.

He showed up in my life again, when I showed up at his house with those two trashed motorcycles. All he saw of me was how depressed and withdrawn I was. And he pushed that filter aside, rising me up from that and bringing me back to the surface, back to the sunshine and back to living again.

(_Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become_

I was nothing. Quite literally, I was nothing and he brought me back from that. Like he was some kind of Jesus figure with the ability to bring people back to life after they had laid dead for a long time. He was my savior.

_Now that I know what I'm without  
You can't just leave me  
Breathe into me and make me real  
Bring me to life_

He saw me as the ghost of what I was when I still had…_him_ with me. He knew that I was broken and I wasn't the same person who had horribly flirted stories out of him. Jake took me in and tried to fix me, tried to breathe life back into me. He was succeeding in a way of making me forget what I had lost, but with it came the constant reminders of what I had lost. He made them bearable for me.

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become_

_Bring me to life  
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring me to life_

I tried to spend all my time with Jake so I wouldn't have to think about him. He was a great distraction, I gave him credit for that much, I was just not as good at being distracted it seemed. But I was working on that, and I was getting better.

_Frozen inside without your touch without your love  
darling only you are the life among the dead_

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
Got to open my eyes to everything  
Without a thought without a voice without a soul  
Don't let me die here  
There must be something more  
Bring me to life_

Then he left me. For some strange reason, he just started to ignore me and leave me alone while he joined Sam Uley. I couldn't understand why. He was my sun in the depressing night I seemed to be consuming. He just left me, and I could feel my first hole left by a certain someone rip open, and a new one fallow it.

Jacob Black ripped a second hole in my body and I felt like I had been betrayed. I was broken again, with no help and no distraction from the pain that was swallowing me whole.

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become_

Now what could I do? Jacob… How could you abandon me? I needed you!

_(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside  
Bring me to life_


	3. Holy Water

**Holy Water**

_Explanation: how Jacob feels when Bella shows up with the bikes after Edward left. Jacob's POV this time, people!!_

* * *

_Somewhere there's a stolen halo  
I use to watch her wear it well  
everything would shine wherever she would go  
but looking at her now you'd never tell_

She showed up at my house looking like a complete mess. She use to look like an angel, her hair was like a mahogany halo, and her eyes were always sparkling chocolate blonde, and she was just perfect all the time. I hadn't really seen her up close or even really at a distance in months. I was shocked to see her, but this wasn't the Bella I remembered. She was just a shadow of who she really was…or who she use to be.

I almost didn't recognize her. She use to be beautiful, now she was just a ghost. She was pale…well, pal_er_, and her glittery hair was dull and lanky. She just didn't shine like an angel anymore. It was like someone stripped her of her angelicness…like her halo was stolen.

_Someone ran away with her innocence  
A memory she can't get out of her head  
I can only imagine what she's feeling  
When she's praying  
Kneeling at the edge of her bed_

I knew who's fault it was and it just made me feel worse. Edward Cullen had stolen her innocence by pretending to love her and then just leaving her, like those broken applences you find at garage sales that have the stickers on them that say "$20, as is". Those things that were once almost priceless used to the point of being worthless.

I could tell it was his memory that haunted her and she was just trying to get rid of it. She didn't want to think about him, and she was really still in pain. I couldn't help but think about her crying herself to sleep because of _him_, having nightmares because of _him, _just being in pain because of _him._

_And she says take me away  
then take me farther  
Surround me now  
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water  
Holy water  
_

She smiled at me, and I smiled back at her. Despite how she looked, I knew she was happy to see me. It made me feel a little bit better about her situation. She had brought two motorcycles with her. She wanted my help to fix them up, she wanted my help to fix _herself _up. 

I felt privileged that she trusted me with her secrets then, as we talked about things and I repaired the nearly totaled bikes. It was so nice to have a secret shared with her that no one else knew. I felt like I could tell her everything, and I was pretty sure she felt the same.

_She wants someone to call her angel  
Someone to put the light back in her eyes  
She's looking through the faces  
And unfamiliar places  
She needs someone to hear her when she cries_

I felt like she needed me. Like I was her way to get her halo back and be the perfect angel that she use to be once again. I felt like I was the one to make her beautiful chocolate brown eyes glitter again. She needed me, I could see it in the way she looked at me. I watched her as she tried to get herself back integrated into the world, through me and her friends at school.

Watching her try to be human was almost painful sometimes. Everything seemed so unfamiliar to her. Like she had been sleeping or dead for years. I felt like it was my responsibility to return her to he world as she once was so she wouldn't look so out of sync. And so she would be happy. So she wouldn't cry any more.

_And she says take me away  
then take me farther  
Surround me now  
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water  
Holy water_

I could see her starting to be human again, and it made me happy. She was starting to even look normal again. It was great! It made me feel all the better to see her starting to feel better too. So see Zombie-Bella turn back into Human-Bella was a wonderful thing to watch. I only hoped that one day I could see her become the beautiful, extraordinary Angel-Bella she had been when old what's-his-face was with her.

Wait, no! I didn't want to bring him up again. She didn't need him, she only needed me. I could be so much better for her than _he_ ever was. I would treat her like the angel she real was. I wouldn't use her and leave her broken. I would really _love _her. In all the ways he never did!

_She just needs a little help  
To wash away the pain she's felt  
She wants to feel the healing hands  
Of someone who understands_

But as she became human again, I knew I only served as a little bit of a helping hand for her. She didn't really need me as much as she thought she did. She only needed me as a springboard back to her old self. Jacob Black, Springboard to Being a Normal Human Being Again. That was me. I felt like a super hero.

I helped her wash away the idiotic _Edward Cullen _and all the pain he caused her leaving her in that 'as is' stage. I fixed her like I fixed the bikes she had brought me. I understood her like no one else did. I understood her because I loved her like no one else did.

_And she says take me away  
then take me farther  
Surround me now  
And hold, hold, hold me  
And she says take me away  
then take me farther  
Surround me now  
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water  
Holy water_


	4. I Loved Her First

**I Loved Her First**

_Explanation: from Charlie's point of view after Bella and Edward got married._

* * *

_Look at the two of you dancing that way  
Lost in the moment and each others face  
So much in love your alone in this place  
Like there's nobody else in the world  
I was enough for her not long ago  
I was her number one  
She told me so_

I watched Edward as he spun around gracefully with my Bella. My Bella. She was married now. I knew, somehow, just by the way they looked sometimes, that they would get married. Renée and I had been somewhat the same. But watching my Bella lost in Edward's eyes as they danced I knew they would last longer than we had. They were beyond just in love.

All I could think about as I watched was that Bella didn't belong to me anymore. That Cullen boy stole her from me. I use to be the only man she said 'I love you' to. I use to be the only one she would look up to as her one and only guy. Then along came Edward Cullen.

_And she still means the world to me  
Just so you know  
So be careful when you hold my girl  
Time changes everything  
Life must go on  
And I'm not gonna stand in your way_

I still look at her as my everything. I'm happy she found such a love. Mostly though, I'm happy she had let me share this with her. She had let me come to her wedding. She was the most beautiful bride in the most beautiful wedding. A lot of girls cried. Renée cried. But I knew it wasn't big and beautiful because she was trying to make people happy. My new daughter-in-law, Alice, was glowing the whole time.

It didn't distract me that now. I had two new daughters-in-law and three new sons-in-law. Everything had changed. I'm not going to sulk over it though. It may be hard to get use to living by myself. I miss my Bella, but she's married now, to Edward.

_But I loved her first and I held her first  
And a place in my heart will always be hers  
From the first breath she breathed  
When she first smiled at me  
I knew the love of a father runs deep  
And I prayed that she'd find you someday  
But it still hard to give her away  
I loved her first_

She may be a Cullen now, but she was mine first. She's been mine longer. I got to see her first. I saw her first breath, her first smile. I saw all the firsts, until Renée took her away from me. But I got to see her when she first fell for Edward.

I always wanted her to fall in love and find that one who was going to treat her right. But I didn't think it would happen so soon. So soon she found him and they started going out. It was hard, but I always knew, part of my Bella's heart would always have my name on it. A father's love couldn't be erased after all.

_How could that beautiful women with you  
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew  
The one that I read all those fairy tales to  
And tucked into bed all those nights  
And I knew the first time I saw you with her  
It was only a matter of time_

I still saw my little girl spinning around so gracefully with him. Little Bella, with beautiful brown ponytails, big brown eyes, a wild assortment of bruises and Band-Aids, still the most beautiful and perfect girl in the whole world. But I saw adult Bella too. The Bella with her hair pinned up, probably done by one of her new sisters-in-law. The Bella with a beautiful white dress, looking at some boy with so much love it almost hurt to look too long.

I had watched her grow but when I saw her with Edward, I knew they would fall in love. He was always so careful with her. My accident-prone Bella now had someone to keep her from killing herself accidentally. Injuries were fewer since Edward. Tears were fewer with Edward. She was always happy, always safe. They were perfect together.

_But I loved her first and I held her first  
And a place in my heart will always be hers  
From the first breath she breathed  
When she first smiled at me  
I knew the love of a father runs deep  
And I prayed that she'd find you someday  
But its still hard to give her away  
I loved her first_

No matter how long Edward had her, she would always still be my baby girl. But I couldn't be mad at Edward for taking her from me. He made her happy. He was perfect for her. I shook his hand and looked at him as my new son(-in-law) and I knew she would be forever happy.

I knew it would only be a while till he could fully understand. Only a matter of time until he and my Bella would have a child of their own. A scary thought, yes, but it would happen. And then my little girl and he would soon know how I felt with this event. Edward, I loved her first. Don't you even think about hurting my baby.

_From the first breath she breathed  
When she first smiled at me  
I knew the love of a father runs deep  
Someday you might know what I'm going through  
When a miracle smiles up at you  
I loved her first_


	5. Saved

**Saved**

Edward's way of looking at Bella, just how lost in love he is for her.

………

_There was a time I tried to kill a man  
Just for looking at me wrong  
Anger so strong I couldn't stop myself  
I was killing myself one shot at a time  
Going insane from the pain  
The women and the wine_

I had anger issues. I suppose I still do, but it's easier to control now. I was killing myself a little more each time I fed. I know it was only animal blood, but being a vampire was still something that made me have to leave my Bella. If I wasn't a vampire, we would be free to love each other freely and openly. I wouldn't have to hold back, I wouldn't have to worry that any little thing I did could have killed her.

Blood was driving me insane. If I went without it surely I would kill someone and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did. But I was getting to the point where I was so sickened by what I was that I almost couldn't feed. I was insane and heartless before her, and I was reverting back to that now that I had left her. I hope she is able to move on, I can't but hopefully she can. Then she can be happy and she can life happy. She deserves to be happy. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone who isn't damned.

_But I finally hit bottom in an alley way  
Hell wasn't but a breath away  
So I hit my knee's in the street and begged god for mercy_

Sitting in this forgotten attic, I'm at rock bottom again. I'm thirsty but I can't bring myself to go hunt. I miss Bella. I miss her so much it hurts. My heart itself aches for her. Pain worse than bloodlust or changing burns through me every second I'm away from her. I hate this. I hate being without her. The only way I can continue staying away from her is knowing that I'm returning her to a normal life. She needs a normal life.

_Last night I told the devil where to go  
You know heaven's got my soul  
Ain't gonna listen to his lies no more  
Last night I told the devil where to go_

I'm going to give in soon. I can feel it. I'm fighting a loosing battle against myself. No matter what I feel is best, I'm much to selfish to stay away from her. I can't stand it! I'm going to give up. I'm going to go back to my Bella. I'm going to steal her away from her normal life. I'll be selfish. I need to be selfish, there's no way I can continue on without her by myself.

She will stay human. She needs to stay human. I couldn't damn her to my damned existence. That would be beyond what I am capable of. At the very least I want to stay with her until she outgrows me. I feel stupid comparing myself to a toy or a pair of pants, but someday she will outgrow me. She'll get married to some nice man and have children. I'm ready to accept that, just so long as I can keep her for as long as she wants me and I can still at least see her and check in on her after she grows up.

_I could have saved myself a lot of hurting time  
If I'd have just listened to my momma  
Every time she cried  
Well I was way to lost in a sinner's haze  
Burning up the days_

I wish I could spare her the pain of having to put up with a vampire for a boyfriend. I wish she wouldn't have fallen in love with me. It would have been better if she had fallen for Mike Newton, no matter how much that would have hurt me. I wish I could have been human still, or I wish I could go back to being human. I could have grown older with her. I could have married her and had children with her and grow old and grey with her and someday even die with her.

But seeing Jasper attack her like that, I didn't want her to have to risk herself like that again. I lost myself and would have been angry with him if he would have done it intentionally. I know he would never hurt her if he was sane enough to realize. He liked Bella. He was just a weaker link than the rest of us, and I can't blame him for that. I'll just see how many more days I can burn up without her before I buckle.

_Just another young man who had lost his way  
Now it finally makes sense what the preacher said  
When he said son you don't wanna wake up dead  
And find yourself alone in the fires of hell_

Carlisle was a preacher's son, so I'm sure being damned had bothered him more for the first years of his change, but being damned kills me now. I remember going to church and listening to the clergymen talking about hell and death and the endless pit of hell and how horrible it could be. I found hell. Hell is living without Bella and I can't stand it. Hell truly is the worse there is. No one should have to suffer in hell if this is what hell is life.

_Yeah everybody  
Last night I told the devil where to go  
You know heaven's got my soul  
Ain't gonna listen to his lies no more  
Last night I told the devil where to go_

Just a few more days, I can last a few more days, and then I'll go check in on her. I'll just stop by and check on her. Look in on her. I just need to know if she's still alive. I need to see her happy, if I see her happy, I'll leave and never come back. She needs to be happy. If she's not happy, then I'll give into my selfishness and return to her. If she's not happy, I'll be with her again. I don't know how she can stand being with me. I'm a demon. She needs better, but if I'm what makes her happy, I will not deny her happiness.

_Now when you hear that demon knocking at your door  
You just tell him you don't want his kind round here no more  
Cause if you wanna love if you wanna live  
If you wanna be free you can't forget and forgive  
You gotta kick him in the teeth and do exactly  
Do exactly what I did_

The devil can't be much worse than the vibrating ringer going off in my pocket. Probably Esme or Alice calling to beg me to come home again. I can't go back to them; it hurts too much to be with them. They remind me too much of Bella to go back to the. If I could go back to Bella for just one night I could return to them, and at least try to be happy for the rest of them. I love them all, and I don't want to be the source of their pain. So I will be happy, for them. I will check on Bella and then go back to them.

I'll check the phone; I'll answer and tell them what I plan to do. Rosalie? What does Rosalie want? She's happier without Bella. But why is she calling me? She's going to disrupt my calm if I have to listen to her drone on about how much her life sucks.

_Yeah last night I told the devil where to go  
You know heaven's got my soul  
Ain't gonna listen to his lies no more_

She says Bella's dead. That Bella committed suicide and drowned. She jumped off a cliff. Bella. She can't be dead. Rosalie's lying. She's only saying this so I'll return home. She practically said as much when she told me. She was so smug about it all too. Smug about the love of my existence is dead. She's happy about it. She wants me to return home now and act like everything's just fine. I don't think I can do that if Bella really is dead.

But Rosalie's lying. Bella's not dead. She can't be dead. She wouldn't be stupid enough to commit suicide. She's so much smarter than that. I should call her house. I'll pretend to be Carlisle and see if it's true.

_Last night I told the devil  
Last night I told the devil  
Last night I told the devil_

Jacob Black answered. Charlie's at the funeral. Bella really is dead. I feel like I should have gone first. There's no way I'll be able to live without her. I can't continue on. Cliché or not, I'm going to do what Romeo did and kill myself for her. She's gone, having killed herself because she couldn't live without me, so I will do the same. We'll be together in the after life.

But how do I do it. Carlisle said it was hard to kill a vampire. How can I do it? The only way I know of to do so is to be ripped to pieces and burned. Emmett or Jasper could do that, but they never would help me kill myself. They'll just tell me to find a new love. I can't do that. Jasper and Emmett are out of the question. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Rosalie wouldn't help me either. The only ones I could think of that would ever try to kill me for any reason is the Volturi.

_Last night I told the devil  
Last night I told the devil_

Yes. The Volturi could, and if I ask maybe they will. If they deny the request I'll just have to do something to force them to do it. I could kill a human on their very doorstep. I could just run rampant throughout Europe and kill thousands. I could expose our kind. So many options. If they deny me, I'll just give them no other choice. They'll have to kill me one way or another. Bella. I will be with you soon.

_I told the devil where to go

* * *

_

Some of the lyrics don't fit, I know, I'm sorry. There's another version of this song coming, still Edward, but at a different point. I promise it will be better.


	6. Whispers In The Dark

**Whispers In The Dark**

_Explained: Carlisle tells about the loves of the Cullens_

_Despite the lies that you're making Your love is mine for the taking My love is Just waiting To turn your tears to roses _

Rosalie had always been beautiful, she was a beautiful child and had grown into a beautiful young woman. During the Great Depression, she had been lucky enough to still maintain a fair amount of money. That's how Royce entered into his life. He wanted to be seen with her, and when their wedding day didn't come fast enough, he took what he wanted from her. He left her for dead in the streets when he had no more use left for her. That's how I found her.

_I will be the one that's gonna hold you I will be the one that you run to My love is A burning, consuming fire _

I held her and I knew she was dying. But I also knew the way to save her. I was a vampire and I would make her into one of us. I took her back to the place I shared with the other two I had changed. Edward would want what I had with Esme one day, I knew he would and this pretty blonde I found would work for him. I wished them happiness. After all the two of them had been through, they needed a happy ending.

_No You'll never be alone When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars Hear my whispers in the dark No You'll never be alone When darkness comes you know I'm never far Hear my whispers in the dark _

Edward and Rosalie weren't working out well. True, they had found companionship in each other but no love but as far as sibling love could go. I felt a little sad that now I had created two lonely and loveless vampires; and while I had created a love for myself, I could not create love for my two children, in a manner of speaking. But they seemed happy enough for the time being and I knew that one day they would find love. Rosalie deserved love after her hit-and-miss with the first man. Her fiancé had been less than just a disappointment to her.

_You feel so lonely and ragged You lay here broken and naked My love is Just waiting To clothe you in crimson roses _

And then one day Rosalie came to our home with a stranger in her arms. Delicate-looking Rosalie appeared in the doorway with a hulking bear of a boy in her arms, her sad, desperate voice calling for my help. She wanted me to help him. He was dying, she said he had been attacked by a bear and she had saved him. As Esme calmed her down, she explained that she couldn't stand to see him die like that. I couldn't save his mortal life, so I changed him as she asked me to. Rosalie found love in the boy she had saved. Emmett, as he said his name was, turned out to be exactly what she needed in every way.

_I will be the one that's gonna find you I will be the one that's gonna guide you My love is A burning, consuming fire_

Love treated Rosalie well after Royce, and Rosalie and Emmett seemed to share the same love that Esme and I did. The only thing left to come was a love for Edward. Before that day could come for him though, we received a new couple of vampires; Alice, who seemed like she had been in love with the other one since the start of time, and Jasper, who was still finding out just how much he really did love her. Some day after that, Bella waltzed, or perhaps a more fitting word would be stumbled, into our lives and into Edward's lonely heart. At last the family was complete, and a short time later, even more than complete when the unfathomable Renesmee was brought to us as well.

In the end, everything was perfect and would stay perfect till the end of time… as if it was always meant to be like that for us.


End file.
